Mathieu. Where do I begin with Mathieu? Daniel and I had started the adoption process when we were just 19 and 20 years old. We both knew we wanted to adopt even before we met, and got started as soon as we felt God call us to it! We went in excited and ready for what lay ahead. We originally tried to adopt internationally, but found out we were too young for most countries, and also realized we didn’t have anywhere near the amount of money required. We started to do some research and came across the Ministry of Children and Families, namely children in foster care. We didn’t know much about it so we went to an info session hosted by the local social workers office in January.
The info session proceeded to explain that the children in care were mostly children with special needs, including FAS, NAS, and attachment issues, to name a few. We walked away knowing this was where we were suppose to be. We started the Adoption Education Program a couple months later, a requirement before you can start the process, and loved learning everything they had to offer us. We also took a “safe baby” course going over the special needs of infants who had been prenatal exposed to drugs and alcohol. Once we were done we knew we wanted a child with FAS, and were even open to Down syndrome and Autism. We were told that the majority of children available for adoption were aged 3 and older, so we started collecting toddler items here and there to prepare ourselves. We also began our home study. A home study was basically a series of meetings with a social worker, both at our house and the office, going over our history, parenting styles, and the way we were brought up.
Our home study began in the fall, and by May we were just about finished. We had only one meeting left to go and walked into our social worker’s office excited and ready to move on to the next stage. She had a serious look on her face as she sat down, and I sat down worried we had perhaps done something wrong. She proceeded to tell us that half the office thought we were just too young. Although our social worker was on board, having gotten to know us and understand our heart, it was better to have the majority of the social workers on board as well, as they were the ones who would match up there case loads with ours. Our worker continued to tell us that we would need to wait about 2 years, until we were just a little older. I have to admit, we were definitely heartbroken, but figured it must be God’s timing and walked away preparing ourselves to wait.
The next few days we decided to get ourselves as ready as possible. We bought our first condo, and gave notice where we were renting (we tend to move quickly on things). Our condo was being fixed up and wouldn’t be ready for another 6 months, so we decided to move in with my parents until it was finished. My dad had just lost his job so we thought we would help out with some bills until the big move. My parents lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse with my teenage sister. We knew it would be squishy but figured 6 months would go by quickly.
Only a few short days later, after being told we were too young to adopt, we met with our social worker to have our last home study visit and finish everything up. This time when we walked in she had a funny smirk on her face. We sat down and she started to tell us about a little boy named Mathieu. His birth mother was placing him for adoption, and after trying to match him with 3 other families whom all had said no, the birth mom had been told about us. Now you have to understand how crazy this all was. First of all, we didn’t even have a complete home study, nor were we an open home, 2 things that need to happen before they start to match you. Second, we had just been told we were too young! Finally, it is a VERY rare occurrence in the ministry to have a birth mother choose her adoptive family.
We tried to contain our excitement as we listened to everything she had to say. One of the first things she told us which shocked us, was that Mathieu was only 2 months old! Two months old? We had not been expecting a baby, but a toddler! He had been exposed to alcohol and drugs prenatal and had a high chance of having FAS, but other than that was doing extremely well in his foster home. Next we found out he was to come home to us in only three weeks! I’m sure you could imagine how crazy it all sounded! We didn’t have ANYTHING for a 2 month old! No crib, no highchair, no car seat, no stroller, no diapers, NOTHING! In fact, I had never even taken care of a baby before, minus one high school babysitting experience where I had to call in a friend for backup!
As I’m sure you can guess, we said yes. How could we not? I don’t think there is a single health issue they could have told us about that we wouldn’t have considered. After all, you can give birth to a child at any time with major health issues, and you would just learn what you needed to know to take care of that child! This was no different to us. Mathieu needed a family, and we would figure out how to give him everything he needed.
The first couple of weeks were crazy. We went around gathering as much baby stuff as we could find. We were blessed to have a women from church offer us a bunch of baby items, a grandma who bought us a stroller and car seat, and we picked up a crib and dresser. I also made sure to purchase a copy of What to Expect the First Year, which I cannot express how helpful that book was! I frantically tried to read as much as I could and pick up a few last minute tips from my mom! It had been 2 weeks now, and the weekend before were to meet him, we were finally given our first photo of him!
I could not believe how tiny he was! So much smaller than I could have ever imagined! The final week began on a Monday. We were to go to Mathieu’s foster home at the beginning of each day when Mathieu woke up, until the ending when he went to bed. I remember watching the foster mom like a hawk, seeing how she fed him with a bottle, how she changed his diaper, and how she put him to bed each night. I knew this was a valuable learning experience! It was also a time God took the opportunity to open our hearts to something else. Before this week we had never known anything about fostering. Mathieu’s foster mom happened to be a Christian, and told us all about the fostering experience. It was amazing to hear about the children in need, and I knew God was placing a seed in my heart for fostering!
Finally the day came when we were told we were allowed to bring Mathieu home with us. I don’t think I have ever fallen in love with anyone instantly. We drove home feeling like a family for the first time. We also felt a little bewildered, shocked that we had been given such a tiny precious gift from God! We drove home going only 30 km an hour, scared of hurting our tiny precious cargo!
Our first year with Mathieu was more than we could have ever hoped for! He was an amazing baby! Considering everything he had been through, he was doing marvellous! Although he sometimes could become over stimulated, and had trouble falling asleep, he was completely healthy! As he continued to grow, he showed us how smart and loving he was. Fast forward several years and Mathieu is now 7 years old and doing FABULOUSLY! He is in grade one, is on target with all his milestones, and not a single person could ever guess what he has been through. In fact, he didn’t even end up being diagnosed with FAS, which is truly a blessing from God! I thank God for our amazing son every single day!
